I am currently spending some time with my grandparents, who have always supported me ( and who still are supporting me). This is throwing me right back into another inner conflict:
I have known that I wanted to leave the town where I was born since I was a young teenager. I do not have any positive feelings for this place. Not even nostalgia. I absolutely dislike it. When I go there, my stomach revolts. It has become a symbol (for me) for everything I do not want my life to be like.
I think that this view is justified (or at least permissible), and I think that leaving was absolutely justified. I think that never moving back is absolutely justified. Yet, I see how it breaks my grandparents’ hearts. I see how they want me to want to come back. And it breaks my heart that I cannot give this to them.