Lately, I have been examining some ideas that had a pretty big impact on my life. Mostly, they gave sharp analyses of quite some things that are wrong our society and provided explanations for lots of negative things I have experienced, be it 20 years ago or only very recently. I was very lucky to have people in my life who allowed me to share my thoughts with them. This is especially worth mentioning because I sometimes reacted quite harshly to some things that came up in those otherwise very fruitful exchanges. This is an attempt to clarify why I did so in one specific case.
Let me introduce you to (an imaginary) someone. Imagine a heterosexual man who is, at the bottom of his heart, a pretty decent person. He is pretty progressive, too: He is totally fine with the idea that women are people, he even listens to feminists and might consider himself an ally. He isn’t treating women as if they are just fuckable resources, like the others, the evil ones do. Now he complains to you that the world doesn’t reward him for it. Why are the evil ones getting all the fuckable resources, aka women? He has put so much effort into not being a dick, shouldn’t women reward him for that? You might say that he has a point here: Isn’t it unfair that the unfriendly ones get the girlfriends while the nice ones don’t?
On the surface, it might be. But think about it. Fair distribution of women’s affection? Really? As if it was a common good, that belongs to everyone and to which everyone has a claim? As if women’s emotions and affections were a service that they provide to a society, and not their very own expression of something very personal? You might agree with our guy in a moment of weakness, talk like that, complain. But once you only even think about drawing the conclusion that you should now become like the other guys (Might seem reasonable to you. After all, doesn’t getting laid outrank being an okay person?), you have gone too far. You are then exhibiting symptoms of the nice guy syndrome, which is just another, very hypocritical way of being a sexist.
Oh, and in the pro version of dealing with this, one might also take some time to think about causation and correlation and how they do and do not fit into one’s picture of why women can still resist one’s advances.