Alright, Dec 24 is over. Since this is, at least in the German-speaking world, the peak of Christmas season, that means the hardest part is over. I had a very lovely spring-like day, yesterday, and it was not lonely or strange in any way. This is so important to me because – although I sincerely find all the expectations attached to Christmas very stupid (from a rational standpoint) – I was raised in a Catholic tradition and I am still often wondering how much of it actually stuck.
A couple of years ago, I have decided to train myself to get over the whole “Christmas is for quality time with your family” thing. The simple reason for that is that I simply cannot spend time with the people I love on Christmas Eve because they partly hate each other too much. This is not my fault and I am determined to uphold that I should not be the one who pays for it by hypocritically pretending that everything is fine while repeating “Who gets to decide who is family and who is not ?” inside my head a thousand times.
Since I have handled the matter this way, I have come to realize that many years ago, I have been at the center of a huge family conflict and probably, have made lot of people in my family feel the same way I feel today. Both – the way I feel and the fact that I’ve made others feel like that – make me sad, and Christmas Eve is a likely time for the outbreak of that sadness. Luckily, I was fine this time. So this is another, very personal story about why I am not so fond of Christmas.